Flash Forward

Let’s do this by topic, shall we? Nudity first; as one does.

Shockaholic for GodsGirls.com

When last we met, I had told you about a shiny new toy from the International Mister Leather Marketplace. I’m a big fan of the neon wand. It served as the perfect climax to my set for kink theme week on GG. A little electricity isn’t enough to satisfy my hunger, so toss in bondage, y-clamps, and my collar for good measure.

Warm & Cozy by Louis Fitch for Zivity.com

This return to Zivity is a sweetly simple strip on the lounger. I love the style of Louis’ work. It has this timeless quality to it, a gently weathered grace.

Bathing in Bizarro by AndyLeigh for Zivity.com

My 33rd set published on Zivity is a celebration of wonderful and weird lit. Andy deFonseca, author of The Cheat Code for God Mode, photographed the set. She’s incredibly talented! I slip out of my robe, page through the stacks surrounding my bath, and feature some must read titles. Better than any review I could write for Goodreads!

Forever Blowing Bubbles by Something Real Media (aka Reflected Reality) for Zivity.com

If you’ve been a fan for some time, you know how I like my walks out in the forest preserves. I had a few good friends, a bottle of bubbles, and a fallen tree to play with. The depth of field in this set seriously pulls you in, and the way the bubbles photograph is just too fun.

Good and Clean by Louis Fitch for Zivity.com

I’m a classy lady, who can be a little bit trashy. Louis tossed me an old band tee, and I climbed into the sink to get some dishes done. A glass of Highland Park and some rubber gloves, and I’m good to go.

Vinyl Vamp by AndyLeigh for Zivity.com

When a prize contest was announced for Girls with Records, I hooked up with AndyLeigh again for some super stylized shots. I’m a sucker for neo-retro, and we hit the mark spot on. She’s got this impeccable command of composition and light!

Misbehave by Varekai for Zivity.com

This was my first collaboration with Varekai, and her first set for Zivity. The goal was a set where I’d wear nothing but heels. I picked the pair I wear for Closer when I dance with Now I’m Nothing (a Chicago based NIN tribute band). We went out to the porch, on a bright and sunny morning, and set about taking these photos while the good people of the world were going to church --- just across the road. Check out the incentives on my Zivity page; these heels can be yours for the right donation in votes! My kitty-cat makes a cameo in the set, too. Doctor Light is a handsome devil.

Sweet Constriction by Jeff Walls for Zivity.com

How can you possibly top the unbridled joy of Bizarro Con? Add on the extreme pleasure of meeting Jeff Walls, and working with him two days back-to-back. I must thank Jeff profusely for driving out to Edgefield to collaborate. His style, his eye, his expert direction make Sweet Constriction absolutely incredible. I sincerely hope to work with him again this fall. Wearing a steel boned corset is one lovely kind of tightness, but the strings… those are yet another! Bedroom bondage and auto-erotic asphyxiation in a timeless portrait. Praised in the showcase for its warm tones and fantastic poses.

Powdered Sugar by Varekai for Zivity.com

Wet’n’Messy. Near and dear to my heart. I bake up a tasty treat, lick just about everything in sight, and roll around covered in powdered sugar, frosting, and cake. In an ongoing theme of cats joining me on set, specifically while shooting with Varekai, her kitty Radler came by to ask why I’d made a mess of the kitchen. I told her I’d clean up when we finished.

Lustful Lace by Louis Fitch for Zivity.com

Better late than never! Our entry for the bra only prize was delayed past the deadline, but we wouldn’t just abandon something so lovely. Louis and I team up again on the stairs for a little peek-a-boo with the neighbors. But that's not all we accomplished that day - read on!

Other Modeling Escapades:

The Flood Damage album Instructions for the Assembly of God(s) had a physical release and is available digitally pretty much everywhere. This called for a shoot with Anthony N. Camastro Photography for - well, I’m going to call it a single - SeXXXee. Put this in your brain, now. If you don’t have the urge to wiggle, then there is maybe nothing in this life that will get your groove on.

Aside from the Zivity work with Louis Fitch, we’ve been collaborating on new tarot cards. I’m posed with Michael Allen Rose for The Lovers, and with Mai Atari for the Two of Cups. Mai and I also got to rip up some fishnet bodysuits together! When we’re not making that magic happen, sometimes we just lounge around playing with toys… he with his camera and I with a pleasure chest of chrome and glass.

There is simply never enough quality time with SNS Photo, however, we did get together and create again. I have a notoriously bent relationship with time. Regardless of that fact, I truly believe time and space shift in the walls of his studio. Marathon sessions fly by in the blink of an eye. I hold a very special place in my dark sticky heart for him.

On the Artistic Portrayal page, you’ll find many works by the good patrons of Grotesque Burlesque @ The Uptown Underground. I’ve been honored to pose for them solo, once quite randomly while my beau was modeling, and subsequently hired as a couple for their Valentine’s Day edition. Nothing is quite as fantastic as knowing your likeness is hanging in galleries all over the city. Here are a few of my favorites from the last sitting:

Burlesque:

Last year saw the debut of two solo acts which were a long time in coming. Haute Chocolat premiered in the Red Carpet Massacre show, and Glitter and Gold Jem saw the stage light at the Uptown Underground. I’m especially proud of my costuming for these acts. Haute Chocolat features a gown I made from whole cloth and an altered pattern. It is the type of act I’d like to see grow in glam over time, organically, as I feel out the character each time I slip into her skin. Jem is the role I’ve been waiting a lifetime to play. More on the intricacies of that when we get into Ladybox’s Blog. The cowl wrap is something I’ve craved to wear since the 80s, and now it is mine. I wanted to update the look with a burlesque slant, in the same spirit that the IDW comics updated the look for the 21st century. I’m really happy with the marriage of the 80s aesthetic with the stripper vibe.

Taking our partnership to every level, Michael and I produced three duets last year. Mile High, Nymphetamine, and Most Wanted. These acts boast character development far divorced from what I’m inclined to do solo. There is a whole other world of movement and interaction available when you have a partner on stage. It is a refreshing departure from what I’m used to. If I do better work with him, it is because he pushes me in directions I’d never go on my own. Mile High is a cheeky act to Saxon’s 747 (Strangers in the Night), as pilot and flight attendant. Nymphetamine is an examination of “be careful what you wish for” as summoning a succubus backfires for our hero. Most Wanted takes on the demise of Bonnie and Clyde, with a track Michael crafted beautifully with samples of their story woven into Bon Jovi’s Blaze of Glory. It has quickly become a personal favorite.

Thrifty Thrills is burlesque benefit show will support the National Alliance on Mental Illness of Greater Chicago (NAMI – Chicago), an organization dedicated to improving the quality of life for individuals affected by serious mental illness through education, advocacy and community outreach here in the Windy City. The cast is a fantastic lineup of performers who’ve answered the call to create an act on the cheap. Each artist has only $20 and an assigned store type to procure all of the costuming and props for their act. We’re allowed a pair of knickers, a bra (if needed), and a pair of shoes as “freebies,” but all else comes from our modest budget --- pasties included!

The first year I’d participated my assigned shopping experience was Dollar Store. I made an usherette act, titled Cinema, largely costumed with gift wrap, a vinyl table cloth, and streamers. The second year, I had a little more confidence going into the challenge. My assigned shopping experience was Comic Shop. How was I going to get by there with just $20 to spend?! Well, it really is all about who you know, and it happened that I had three boxes of torn page comics and a heap of promotional tees donated to the cause by the good folks at G-Mart comics in Logan Square. Since donations with receipt are totally allowed, it tied me at $0 spent for the Katie Angel Memorial Cheapskate Award. I was able to sew a reversible dress out of the American Sniper promotional tees, and a magnificent cape featuring female comic characters. It was set to It’s A Man’s, Man’s, Man’s World cover by Postmodern Jukebox. I’m in process to develop the act further into my regular rotation. I really like the exploration of female characters in comics, and their relation to world building in a largely patriarchal subculture. The lyrical structure of the music feels like a nail hit squarely on the head.

That’s the joy of Thrifty Thrills. It helps the community, at the same time it pushes us as performers out of our sparkly comfort zones. We have no rhinestones to hide behind. I’ve found really solid choreography, characters, and even designs through the project. Solutions I only came to because there was no easy way out. You have to Tim Gunn that shit. “Make it work!” When you do, there is an affinity so strong, you just think… what could this be with all of my tricks up my sleeve? Spectacular. Where will I be shopping for this year's edition? Hardware stores.

My honey is on the cast, too. This ain’t no duet, though. This time we’re going head-to-head, and I’m going to cream him! His store assignment is office supply, so let’s all agree that hedge clippers beat paper and call it a day! Save the date: Friday, June 17th.

Bizarro Community:

You may have noticed a little thing I’ve been doing called Bizarro Bedtime: A Salacious Selection of Smut. As being adjacent to the bizarro scene has become a larger and ever richer portion of my life, I had the desire to meld my penchant for sex and sexuality with the incredible creativity in the novels I’d been devouring. So I began taking excerpts of the strange sex scenes, contacting the authors for their permission, recording stories from the comfort of my bed, then sharing them with you to spread the love of bizarro far and wide.

Seasons 1-3 are available on Vimeo, YouTube, and here under the new Bizarro page (nested under Multimedia). In the thirteen videos published thus far, I’ve shared the work of: Jeff O’Brien, Kevin Strange, Gabino Iglesias, Nikki Guerlain, MP Johnson, John Bruni, C.V. Hunt [episode notably pulled from YouTube for a perfect storm of objectionable content], Justin Grimbol, Robert Devereaux, Danger Slater, Garrett Cook, and Devora Gray. Here is the latest episode:

After finishing season two, I had wanted to celebrate a calendar year of working on the project. At this same time, I’d been revamping the look and functionality of my website. As luck would have it, I had been turned on to a stellar pin up artist doing work for the World of the Weird Monster Show. (Our banner art for the Days of the Dead convention was brilliant!) I reached out to Becca’s Bombshells for a commission, and she delivered everything I’d dreamed. A bookmark for the series, which makes for a great logo/favicon on my site, as well. Naked on a stack of books, surrounded by tentacles? Yup. Nailed it. Read along with me! Get your own Bizarro Bedtime bookmark for just $3 (covers the costs of art, printing, and shipping). If requested I’ll sign it for you, too! Reading is sexy.

Bizarro Bedtime was covered in Dirge Magazine, and as a direct result I wrote a couple articles for the website. The first was a profile on Red Rum, The Lon Chaney of Burlesque, and locally based - internationally known - performer/producer/costumer/badass. The second was a feature on a Kickstarter, which sadly fell short of the funding goal, for a spooky indie game rooted in the manananggal of Filipino folklore. It would have been a spiritual successor to Infinitap’s Neverending Nightmares, and I only hope that someday, somehow, we see it come to fruition.

I guess I’d been on something of a writing kick last year. Ladybox Books approached me to write a piece for their Ellx Blog. I took a deep look at myself. My inspirations. The foundations of all that I do and make and think and enjoy. Who were the women that shaped me? Because I play in pop culture, I wanted to share myself through the understanding of my pop culture idols. It is removed from the experience of my contemporaries by a generation. It is based in fictional, animated characters come to life. Seems like as rational a blueprint as any.

June 11th and 12th will be the Bizarro Writers Association’s second year tabling at Printers Row Lit Fest. I’ll be back again to help out with logistics from sales to fetching coffee. If you’re picking up a title featured on Bizarro Bedtime at the Fest, I’ll have bookmarks on hand ready to sign for you. I’m super excited about the growth of the publishers involved. The weekend will be a great little booster shot of weird to carry me through to the next Bizarro Con!

Since last I raved about the pilgrimages to Portland, I’ve been twice more. Time spent with this family at the Edgefield is utterly priceless. I’m hopelessly addicted to the natural high I get from being around all that creative energy. (Note: I differentiated “natural high,” since recreational cannabis was legalized in Oregon before my 2015 visit.) I cannot stress enough that while I’m not a novelist, they embrace artists of various mediums fully. At the 2015 convention, an art gallery was held at the Wonderland Award Banquet. There was an art challenge during the day, where artists were given three hours to create their vision based on the prompt “Christmas Shark vs. Butthole Monster.” Nick Gucker was the victor, chosen by audience vote at the banquet. My honorable mentions go to Jim Agpalza and Erik Wilson. The property is just COVERED in art; inspiration is hiding in every corner.

These last two years it has been my extreme pleasure to assist Michael in hosting the Ultimate Bizarro Showdown. Fabulous prizes, if you count dime store tchotchkes as prizes, are awarded to the top three contestants of the Showdown. Mostly it is about the accolades bestowed to you by a distinguished panel of weirdos, and the wondrous joy of your peers as you entertain them through the unbridled joy of play. My role is one I took on instinctively, as it was clear there needed to be a stage kitten to help the night move along in a timely manner. Plus, someone needed to demonstrate the punishment awaiting contestants who went over their allotted time. Michael and I brought our violet wand. The first year we made the mistake (?) of bringing our power tripper, as we were not sure how the glass attachments would fare through TSA. In some cases, this was less of a deterrent to the participants, and more of a curiosity they had to satiate. Which meant Michael got a dose of shock every single time it was used, and it was used frequently. Last year, we took the chance on the attachments, and it worked out beautifully. The sadistic part of me relishes the deliberate approach of the wand to the performer. The masochist is delighted for the performer, because there is nothing quite like the feeling of that shock.

Outside of the Saturday night gala, there is little to be said about my experiences at Edgefield. They are deeply satisfying. It is the one part of my year where it is easy to fall into every moment without making the conscious choice to do so. It becomes personal. Readings are the connective tissue, and I work during the classes. Lunch dates with friends from around the world, nights of drinking and partying, trips to the saltwater soaking pool, conversations that last into the sunrise… the desire to make the weekend stretch the whole year long.

Michael and I have been extending the convention weekend the little that we’re able, to give us a day with locals in Portland proper to begin our transition back into regular society. We’ve gone on a highlights tour with Cameron and Kirsten Alene Pierce. Bar hopping and taco devouring with Vince Kramer and G Arthur Brown. The next year, between scrumptious meals, J David Osborne and Rios de la Luz took us on a beautiful hike in the forest, which I will never ever forget. I have so much love and gratitude for our beautiful hosts. They’ve quickly become some of my favorite people on this planet, and most treasured family I’d gladly repay the favor to in my own city, whenever possible.

Leaving is difficult every year. I came away with a bunch of new friends and some great swag.

Life in General:

Some months ago, I fell on my back stairs. They were very icy, but I didn’t notice until I was on my ass. HARD. After a few days, and several pain killers, it was still pretty unbearable. So off to the doctor I went. We took a bunch of scans, and the final determination was a bruised coccyx. Fortunately, I didn’t break my tailbone. A judiciously applied prescription for Vicodin later, I was feeling much better.

In other less-than-glamorous news, the war with migraines rages on. I had another bout of migraine presenting with aphasia, the first I’ve suffered in about six or seven years. Back then I was convinced I was having a stroke, and so were medical professionals at first. I spent three days in the hospital, everyone trying to find out what had happened. They checked everything. Lungs, heart, brain. No evidence of damage anywhere. Let me tell you, the most terrifyingly frustrating thing I’ve ever experienced first hand was the inability to communicate. I could understand people, mostly, and I had what I wanted to say in my mind. I didn’t have the words for the concepts, and I sure as hell couldn’t get them out of my mouth. My neurologist told me upon my discharge, it could happen again tomorrow or never again as long as I live.

I recognized the early signs, and knew what I was in for. While texting, I couldn’t swipe the words I wanted. My eyes started to cloud with visual disturbances, my command of spelling went to hell, and then I couldn’t cobble sentences together. I immediately got into a hot bath, in the dark, and barked out what few words I could to convey I needed my medicine. What else could be done but wait it out? Before I could tell you anything of consequence, I regained the ability to sing. While others might recite their names, birth dates, or alphabet, I did my scales. Up and down, skipping and running thirds, warm up vocal exercises that I’ve been doing over two thirds of my life. It kept me grounded in the reality that I was not losing my mind. I wasn’t slipping away into some medical purgatory. Just as it had come and gone before, it would again, and I wouldn’t rack up three days worth of medical bills this time.

Last year marked my first viewing of the film I’d been cast in, Dig Two Graves. It was every bit as hauntingly beautiful as I’d imagined from the script. I’m very grateful to be a small cog in this thrilling machine. Hunter Adams pulled off a very ambitious story, with all the hallmark challenges to avoid. We shot in Southern Illinois during one of the coldest Januaries on record. The cast included children and animals, while the script demanded pyrotechnics, stunts, and recreating two distinct time periods. The film has spent a year on the festival circuit, where I was able to attend the Chicago debut at the Midwest Independent Film Festival. Nothing to share about distribution yet, but you can view the trailer now.

My tradition of attending HUMP (and dragging more friends along each time) is alive and well. I squee like a fangirl when Dan Savage introduces the film fest. He’s my gay idol. The films this year were, overall, fantastic. On the whole, one of the better years. The deal with HUMP is that you’re a porn star for a day, not forever. The films are never released to the internet, unless the filmmakers chose to do so themselves, independent of the festival and all it entails. Lucky for all of us, that’s just what Lovingly Handmade Pornography did. I’ll never forget the flash cotton centered film of three years ago. Here is a link to Fun with Fire. Satire through every genre to autobiographical, there are shorts of every kind represented. This year, in no particular order, these were my top three: Level Up - Fun and feminism and videogames and hot sex, Film Bonoir - A cynical dick takes on a challenging head case, and Pachisi - A man, a woman, a board game… shot exquisitely on an iPhone. Honorable mentions to Blown, Let’s Try to Fuck, and Cake Boss. It makes a girl want to get in on the action. I love the blend of sex positivity, humor, and creative bent on pornography.

Very soon I’ll be roadtripping again, but until then I get to reminisce about our trip to the Dakotas. Photo drop ahoy!

Shows I’ve seen in the last year that left an indelible impression on my soul:

Weird Al Mandatory Fun Tour at the Chicago Theatre

Lewis Black Standup at the Chicago Theatre

Thinking Caps, a play written by Keith Gatchel

Now that the weather has mellowed out - seriously, there was a “snow globe day” in Chicago recently when several 15 minute blizzards interrupted an otherwise sunny day - I’m daydreaming about visiting the Bristol Renaissance Faire again this summer. Michael, Courtney, Patrick, and I all went together last year. It was such a fun day! The first thing we did was sign up for the pub crawl, and that was probably the best way to get a lay of the land and immerse myself. On the tip of one of our fellow pub crawlers, we visited Randolph Markham at Chain Maille Fashions. He is such a gem! We had the opportunity to model some of his fabulous designs. I’m in love with his work, especially the availability of metals much kinder to my very sensitive skin. The rest of the day was much fun and frolic at market, on copious quantities of mead.

I've taken to sewing much more recently. I made a few dresses, a messenger bag, a skirt, a couple shirts. Crafting everyday showgirl style is a different satisfaction than that which I get from designing costumes. Once I finish the gown I'm currently working on, I have an infant pattern I'm excited to try out for my darling friend Andy's baby Zoë! Maybe this is the next big thing I do with my time, maybe not. Whatever the end result, I keep eyeing the knitting needles at the fabric stores. That's on my to-learn list, too.

All My Lust,

-Sauda